I wrote a post similar to this almost a year ago, but find it even more resonant now. The past eight months have been some of the busiest of my artistic life, with two solo shows and helping establish/ run a pop-up gallery, in additional to my “normal” art making activities. As I was reflecting on things this morning I started thinking on the things I have had to give up to make it all happen (this blog for one). I feel like I am at an artistic crossroads of sorts. I have pared away almost all the extraneous stuff from my life in order to make the art I want to make and share it, having even perfected the 20 minute lunch so I can draw for the remaining 40 of my lunch hour.
But, I find myself questioning whether or not the sacrifices are worth it sometimes. I truly feel like I am finally making the work that is right for me with the medium that fits, yet I am still, more often than not, disappointed in the final pieces. And even though I am not making art just to sell it, my pieces are not selling, so I am spending money to get them ready for shows and not recouping the costs. And although my friends and family seem to like the work, I suspect that they would rather I make less of it and spend more time with them. I am just no longer sure who is benefitting from my making my drawings.
And yet, there is an engine inside of me that just keeps driving me forward. Every time I am halfway through a piece I get ideas for five more pieces I am just salivating to start. And although I sometimes long for some of the things I have given up, I still make some time for my friends and family, I still find myself out of the studio enjoying myself occasionally and I am, in general, no more unhappy than usual. It’s just that sometimes I wonder what is happening on House, until I remember that was cancelled a few years back as well.